I finally read Cindy Sheehan’s farewell letter to the anti-war movement, and it’s quite a moving indictment, written from the perspective of a still grieving woman trying to understand her world, rather than a political actor trying to massage a message. I hope that leaving activism behind will begin to help her heal. She writes:

when I started to hold the Democratic Party to the same standards that I held the Republican Party, support for my cause started to erode and the “left” started labeling me with the same slurs that the right used. I guess no one paid attention to me when I said that the issue of peace and people dying for no reason is not a matter of “right or left”, but “right and wrong.”

I am deemed a radical because I believe that partisan politics should be left to the wayside when hundreds of thousands of people are dying for a war based on lies that is supported by Democrats and Republican alike. It amazes me that people who are sharp on the issues and can zero in like a laser beam on lies, misrepresentations, and political expediency when it comes to one party refuse to recognize it in their own party. Blind party loyalty is dangerous whatever side it occurs on. People of the world look on us Americans as jokes because we allow our political leaders so much murderous latitude and if we don’t find alternatives to this corrupt “two” party system our Representative Republic will die and be replaced with what we are rapidly descending into with nary a check or balance: a fascist corporate wasteland. I am demonized because I don’t see party affiliation or nationality when I look at a person, I see that person’s heart. If someone looks, dresses, acts, talks and votes like a Republican, then why do they deserve support just because he/she calls him/herself a Democrat?

I have also reached the conclusion that if I am doing what I am doing because I am an “attention whore” then I really need to be committed. I have invested everything I have into trying to bring peace with justice to a country that wants neither. If an individual wants both, then normally he/she is not willing to do more than walk in a protest march or sit behind his/her computer criticizing others. I have spent every available cent I got from the money a “grateful” country gave me when they killed my son and every penny that I have received in speaking or book fees since then. I have sacrificed a 29 year marriage and have traveled for extended periods of time away from Casey’s brother and sisters and my health has suffered and my hospital bills from last summer (when I almost died) are in collection because I have used all my energy trying to stop this country from slaughtering innocent human beings. I have been called every despicable name that small minds can think of and have had my life threatened many times.

The most devastating conclusion that I reached this morning, however, was that Casey did indeed die for nothing. His precious lifeblood drained out in a country far away from his family who loves him, killed by his own country which is beholden to and run by a war machine that even controls what we think. I have tried every since he died to make his sacrifice meaningful. Casey died for a country which cares more about who will be the next American Idol than how many people will be killed in the next few months while Democrats and Republicans play politics with human lives. It is so painful to me to know that I bought into this system for so many years and Casey paid the price for that allegiance. I failed my boy and that hurts the most.

I hope some day she will realize that she did as much as she, one woman, could. She helped break the bond between the American people and the president in August of 2005, according to a Bush strategist I heard speak last fall. The turn in public opinion against the president began that summer with high gas prices and the questions she raised, and then was solidified by the horrors of Katrina. I don’t know much about what Sheehan has been doing since then, and the bigger questions she raises about the capacity of any activist movement to change the dynamics of power in this country are ones confronted anew by each generation of activists, in a variety of arenas. But I also know that conservative obsevers see the ability of the Congressional Democrats to get the president to sign onto a bill with benchmarks as a win for the anti-war forces, even if the anti-war forces feel that they have lost by failing to get a withdrawal bill.

It is, at this point, a banal observation to say that America is a great, slow beast — slow to change course and slow to anger. September 11 rousted the nation and sent it careening into the forest. Sheehan kicked the Leviathan and it began to move again, and in the direction she sent it. That’s about as much as any woman can ask.